What is that prevents you from becoming like others? What is that rancour deficiency that derails your social life? Every where you seek a hole to escape in. You some how want to escape from all bourgeois celebrations. You look deep and things go blurred. There is only one place you feel best and great, it is when you are alone. Wherever you are, you dream of your room, the custody of your heart. Sometimes someone appears who resembles your heart and doesn’t destroy your loneliness. Even they doesn’t last long.
Your problem is that you are at the wrong side of things. You are stuffed with some remote agonies. Your gut feeling is that you are in an expanding universe which eventually will crush down somewhere, then what is the point of anything? In this vast scheme of things you are a tiny fraction of light which can go off at the bark of a dog. Yet you smile, however vague it is.
If there is one thing that you have inherited is your sadness, which pulls its sheet over your face without any reason. That is why you like sea so much, it is deep in shadow, its sleep is wakefulness, it falls back to mull over the past. Sea is an accumulated tears.
Ruins are your attractions. Their desolations bewitches you. You feel like a dilapidated church where shadows still hold traces of vanished worshippers. Ruins are occupied by homeless spirits. It is where sky deposits its secrets. Ruins reminds you of love. This is what love makes you, a ruin.
So what exactly is your problem? Well, you are diagnosed with acute perception. You see what others can’t. You have seen that invisible arrow that has set to pierce your heart. You are a trembling leaf that knows all the colour of wind. You know you are going down even when others lift you up. You wish to be colour blind, if things were just black and white.
You are not crazy, you are just upside down. Your lightness is full of gravity. You want to flee, you want to be there where the world is just beginning and things are nameless. You want to be naked, feeling shame to cover up. You want to be at the loosened end. You want to go unnoticed.