I saw her photos and they disappointed me! I asked myself repeatedly: is it the girl I spoke at length? Someone who attracted me with her anxious virtues and limpid personality?
In those photos, she is with friends who try to dazzle in any way possible. One needs not look; they emerge catching our attention. For her one need to make a search. She does not bestow herself.
I was surprised by her refusal to smile.
She too makes all attempt to be part of the group and put up a show. But, when the time comes he goes off; all lights make her dim as if she needs a space where dark may single her out.
She stands as if her days are postponed inevitably. Why someone’s sincere attempt to belong to something goes in vain. What she lacks? Confidence? Courage? Is it why she looks a sparrow caught the sight of a snake?
She wears sari and in a photo she is in pants. Everywhere that pull is blatant. She wears them with a feeling of betrayal as if she has promised someone that she won’t wear them. We all betray our promises, because we get a dark happiness from betrayal.
But, I could not find reasons of her feeling of transfixed.
What struck me was her eyes, those vacant eyes, because of its sheer density alone it goes deep.
Where I have seen similar eyes?
May be on fashion runway! Those cat walking girls who are devoid of an inside has this eye. They push their interiority to a further corner. They know that all look at them; thus, they look at none so fix their eyes on infinity. Yes, her eyes have steelier points of infinity.
The traditional dress doesn’t suit her; she will be clad in anything ultra fashionable. More precisely nudity may cover her well than dress, she has so much interiority.
Now I know why her photos disappointed me. It is the nature of the beauty. Real beauty always disappoint us.


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